On Dating

I just read a troubling article called “15 Things Not To Do If You Want A Guy To Like You” or some stupid variation of that same title. The writing made me feel like it is somehow my fault that I’m single, like I’m doing something inherently wrong in my day-to-day life.  But I don’t believe that’s true.

One of the things the article said not to do is respond to texts too immediately.”Guess what? I’m almost always near my phone, and I hate when people don’t respond to my texts in a timely manner. The fact that I respond to you immediately, whether you’re someone I have a crush on or my grandmother, I extend the same courtesy I want extended to me. This doesn’t make me needy or desperate. It makes me a person living out the Golden Rule, which is what I’ve been taught to do since preschool.

It also said not to talk about your bad habits. The reasoning behind this advice is that if you lay everything on the table at the beginning, no one will stick around. So telling you that when I get depressed I watch Harry Potter movies and eat tortilla chips until I’m nauseous is the reason we can’t be together? Or the fact that I’m 24 and I still bite my nails sometimes – that’s the deal breaker? That’s fine. I’d rather know now than a year down the road. Maybe it’s because I was taught to love people, to accept their flaws, but I want to know the bad stuff about someone. That’s what makes a relationship to me. And if you’re gonna run at the first sign of trouble, go ahead. I want someone who's up for an adventure (which let's be honest, loving me will be).

Another wonderful gem was that if you want a guy to like you, you can’t be guarded because he’s not going to waste time breaking down your walls. Honestly, who isn’t guarded these days, especially at first? I think it’s human nature to want to guard our hearts and make sure the person we hand them over to is safe. If I can’t share my deep, dark secrets on the first date, and I can’t be guarded, what does that mean? Do I act like a robot until I decipher the situation?

The last, and my least favorite, is not to be too honest. I think this is the stupidest advice I’ve ever heard. I am all about honesty. I don’t play games. I don’t want to read between the lines. If I like you, I’m going to tell you. If I don’t, I’ll find a nice way to say that as well. It’s more about how you deliver things than what you’re actually saying.

The article also said to “be yourself.” Well, how am I supposed to be myself when the whole rest of this stupid article told me that being myself is the reason no one wants to date me? HUGE contradiction if you ask me.  Maybe these ARE the reasons that I’m single, but I highly doubt that. It’s probably because I have high standards and really picky taste in men, and I’m not looking to date for the sake of dating. My whole life, I've been a way-too-talkative oversharer with a flair for saying exactly what I'm thinking; I refuse to think of this as a weakness. Someone will see me in my entirety, as charming and flawed and still worthwhile. I'll wait for him. 

I hate articles like this, because I know that there’s a girl sitting at her computer, taking notes about all the ways who she is isn’t good enough for someone to like. And honestly, I’m going to be blunt and say fuck that. If you are confident in who you are and how you act, someone will come along for you. It might not be now, it might not be soon, but someone down the road will not run when you tell him your bad habits and he will love your total honesty, even when it borders on brazenness.  He’ll worry about you if he doesn’t hear from you within a few minutes of sending a text. So if there’s anyone out there who feels not good enough, put on something you feel great in and go be great, for YOURSELF. Prince Charming might be at a bar with the dwarfs or busy freeing his kingdom from demons, but he'll show up eventually. You might as well enjoy yourself in the meantime. 

My ThoughtsMorgan Coyner