An Incomplete List of Things I've Done While Depressed

1. Cry.

2. Take a bath in my too small bathtub that doesn't hold water. Refill said bathtub 4 times before even considering getting out. 

3. Watch an entire season of Parks & Recreation in an entire day. 

4. Put on make up and curl my hair.

5. Refuse to shower.

6. Let laundry pile up for weeks.

7. Let dishes pile up in the sink.

8. Write.

9. Read.

10. Fill up my Amazon wishlist.

11. Buy things off my Amazon wishlist.

12. Look through old photos on my phone. 

13. Stare at the ceiling.

14. Sleep. 

15. Knit.

16. Go for a walk. 

17. Practice handlettering.

18. Eat tacos.

19. Buy myself a set of birthday cake cupcakes from the store.

20. Come up with a smart alleck response to the clerk who asks me whose birthday it is. 

21. Eat the cupcakes.

22. Paint my nails.

23. Consider dying my hair.

24. Not going through with it.

25. Bake.

26. Watch the final Broadway recording of Rent.

27. Text an ex-boyfriend.

28. Regret it immediately.

29. Ignore subsequent texts.

30. Eventually give in and text back anyway.

31. Call my parents.

32. Watch only Saturday Night Live reruns until it wasn't too hard to watch any TV that depicted the extent of human emotions. 

33. Cry obsessively over the season 1 finale of The OC when Ryan goes back to Chino even though I've already seen seasons 2 and 3. 

34. Pray.

35. Text my sister but tell her not to call me or I'll cry. 

36. Scroll through Pinterest until I reach the bottom of the page and can't scroll anymore.

37. Search something specific so Pinterest-ing doesn't have to end. 

38. Somehow talk myself into a panic attack.

39. Talk myself back out of that panic attack.

40. Question everything.

41. Have suicidal thoughts. 

42. Talk myself out of suicidal thoughts.

43. Research the chemical pathways in the brain that cause depression.

44. Wonder if I should've gone into medical/pharmaceutical research to find a cure/medicine that works better than what's currently on the market.

45. Find research that says Vitamin D helps with depression.

46. Laugh because I will not be going outside.

47. Snuggle under a homemade quilt.

48. Go for a drive with no destination in mind.

49. Sing at the top of lungs for the duration of that drive. 

50. Make a cup of tea and drink it from my grandma's china teacups.

*Remember, it feels different for everyone. And it can vary within one person with each depressive episode/spell/relapse. Love your people.*