What Not To Say To a Single Girl (Single Girl Series, Part 1)

Welcome to the Single Girl Series! Every week in February, everyone's favorite month of the year to be single, I'll be posting something for the single girls out there. Why? Because I'm in this along with you!

Today, I'm walking through four things I hear often and why, even though the sentiment is often heartfelt and well-intentioned, they aren't great things to say. 

1. "Be a girl worth pursuing."
This is one of my least favorite things to hear. When someone says this to me, I don't hear anything except "you are not good enough," "no one would want to date a girl like you." This is never what people mean. What they mean is: are you focusing on a relationship with Jesus? are you taking care of yourself? are your own affairs in order so that you'll be prepared to enter into a relationship when the opportunity arises? No matter how it's said, this always comes across as an insult. 

2. "Focus on working through (x)."
This is one that's hard for me. I actually 100% agree with this sentiment. Our time as single women is a gift. We get time to worry about ourselves exclusively. We can focus on God. We can focus on our purpose. We can focus on working through the lies we believe and the insecurities that bind us. But as I sat in the car with my sister one night hearing these words, again, all I heard was "You are too broken to be loved," "Until you fix yourself, you will not be loved." I know my sister's heart. I know she didn't mean that. And when I told her that's what I heard, she immediately apologized and restated what she meant. She wanted to remind me of the gift singleness is. It's true. However, this is an easy statement for Satan to use to throw lies at us. 

3. "I'm sure you'll meet someone any day now."
Unless the Lord Himself in his kindness and mercy gave you a prophetic vision about my love life, I don't want to hear your predictions about when I'll find "the one." The reality is, none of us know when that person will show up. It could be someone I've already met and overlooked, could be someone who lives in another country, could be the guy four seats down at the bar that I'll meet in three weekends. To me, this one comes across as a meaningless platitude, something said to fill the space. 

4. "You know, a boyfriend won't fix your problems."
I do know that. A lot of times when I'm sad about being single, it's not really about a guy at all. It's about loneliness. And even though Jesus is the only one who can sustain us and fill us, loneliness still creeps in. Instead of reminding someone that what they want won't fix them, remind them of what WILL. Be willing to enter into the loneliness with them. Sometimes all I want is a movie night and a hug!

5. "Treat Jesus like your boyfriend."
Yes. Jesus fulfills our every need. Any belief that a man on this earth could fill better than Jesus is a lie. However, this image of  Jesus as my boyfriend has never worked for me. Sometimes, if I'm being honest, Jesus is intangible. I don't feel his presence, don't get to hear his laughter when I tell a funny story. Jesus doesn't buy me tacos or bring me sour gummy worms. Can He do way more than that? Absolutely. But again, this statement misses the point.


Morgan CoynerComment